SATC girls

One advantage of being single is that you get to spend quality time with girl friends who always make you feel special come what may. This Sunday was one of those moments when I really felt that having girl friends is one of the best things a woman can have. The plan was impromptu but the reason was special - it was the break-up party of a dear friend. We chose a loud hangout place and made no efforts at being sober. But, the best part of the evening was the fact that each of us had some thoughts to take away home, some shakeup deep inside compelling us to look at ourselves in a completely new light. 

The evening started off with a dressing up spree. For the first time, I got to know that my roommate N had such a rich wardrobe. Me and D, borrowed her dresses, put on our heels and we three got into the cab hurriedly asking him to shoot away to Khan Market where our fourth compatriot had already arrived. Then was the time for some melodrama - N let her heart out to us exposing all that she felt throughout the relationship. I have known N for the last five months and I was always aware that she has this soft inside which she hides inside her hard exterior. N told us how the guy always made her feel that she was not right and manipulated her into thinking that she was not good enough. But what hit me hardest of her outbursts was when she said - "I don't think anyone will ever love me."

What shook me was the realization that each of us, despite being the cream of women in India lacked what I call a feeling of self worth. Woman always look for a man to make them feel special and loved. And if we are single, we start doubting our attractiveness and our charm. We feel that we are not good enough to be able to attract men. We go bankrupt on our attire and saloon visits just for a word of appreciation from an obscure member of the male community. Our world goes round and round the lives of men who have easily made way to our hearts held very delicately on our sleeves. "Did he call?"; "Oh he didn't?"; "Did he message?"; "What must he be thinking?"; "Should I send him this pic?";"Oh, probably not, I look so fat in this and so ugly." - These endless questions just clog up our mind, making us incapable of ever thinking about ourselves. We lose ourselves somewhere in the quest of making our man happy and satisfied.

So why is it that we women don't love ourselves? Why are we so vulnerable to heart breaks? Getting hurt in relationships is like our best pastime. We care more about what others think about us and not what we think of ourselves. D, says that these inner demons have been fed by our social conditioning. We are taught to live for others and at each and every moment be conscious of what the society expects from a "good" girl. I don't think that this concept of living up to the image that society expects us to carry is bad per se. Women, being the propagators of human race, definitely carry an immense amount of responsibility on their shoulders. As mothers, we are the first teachers to our children and so it is indeed important that we follow certain rules of conduct that can help us deliver on our roles. As wives, we bring in the soft element in the family that binds it together. As daughters, we are the poles of strength that though feeble in looks, can withstand all pain. In this battle of expectations and individuality, it is we who have to draw the line. Each of us had to understand that in the process of giving we should not give ourselves up. People who care for us, will always be conscious of our needs and give us the space to be ourselves with no qualms whatsoever. But, those who don't will always impose their will on us in the garb of society's expectations.

This tough lesson has been hard to learn for many of us, but it is only falls in our life that make us rise higher. So at the end of this lovely Sunday evening, the four awesome SATC girls decided to find things that interest them, explore hobbies that will make them fuller and pledged to live a life that will be more meaningful. Charles Bukowski has said famously that "There is a place in the heart that will never be filled. And even during the best moments and the greatest times we will know it. There is a place in the heart that will never get filled and we will wait and wait in that space." This space is for you to fill - so girls, explore this beautiful world and love yourself because you are worthy.