Caged Existence

"Kehta ye pal, khud se nikal,
Jeete hain chal, jeete hain chal, jeete hain chal,
Gham musafir tha jane de, Dhoop angan me aane de,
Jeete hain chal, jeete hain chal, jeete hain chal.

Talwon ke neeche hai thandi si ek dharti,
Kehti hai aja daudenge,
Yaadon ke bakson me zinda si ek khushbu hai,
Kehti hai sab peeche chodenge,
Ungliyon se kal ki ret behne de, 
Aj aur abhi me khud ko rehne de.

Ek tukda haseen chakh le, ek dali zindagi rakh le,
Jeete hain chal, jeete hain chal.

Hichki ruk jane de, Siski tham jane de,
Is pal ki ye guzarish hai,
Marna kyu jee lena,
Boondon ko pee lena,
Tere hi sapnon ki baarish hai.

Paniyon ko raste tu banane de,
Roshni ke peeche khud ko jane de."

This song is from the movie Neerja, which has released this weekend. I haven't watched the movie yet, but this song has become one of my favorite scores. I really don't know in what context the song has been used in the movie, but for me the song stands for liberation. You would think why would a strong independent woman even think of liberation. Am I not already the queen of my fate, the decider of my path? Hasn't my life - past and future been and will be the creation of my desires?

A couple of weeks back, me and N had gone to pay respects the great Mughal emperor Humayun at his tomb in Nizamuddin. It was a balmy Saturday morning and there were lots of cute gora tourists appreciating the marvels of the great Mughals. Among them was this hippie, dressed in loose jeans and a shabby old T-shirt. He had an unsteady walk and was roaming around alone quite content with himself. His lifestyle for me is the extreme liberation. But then, was he free out of choice or was he running away from the realities of life?

I have had my share of insane totally random decisions, none of which will pen down here. But, the point I want to put across is that a life too controlled loses charm. There should be times when we dare to let ourselves loose. If this means running away from the realities of life, so be it. Sometimes, we are so engrossed in finding solutions that we don't realize how insignificant these problems are.

So, I have decided that March end will be end of my caged existence. April and May are going to be months of liberation. Of course, I will come back to face the tune of life but only after a bit of much deserved adventure :)

Antaheen....

I have always loved Bengali movies although there are not many that I have watched. But, the ones that I have, have all remained my favorites. I love everything Bengali - Kolkata is my favorite city, Bengali sweets are the best I have ever tasted, Bengali sarees and their way of tying it is something I truly admire. And now "Antaheen", adds to the long list of things Bengali I like. Since, I got to know about this movie, I have already watched it ten times over, and each time it feels like a breath of fresh air.

Brilliantly enacted by a set of very talented actors, "Antaheen" captures the imperfection in relationships. Paro and Ronjhun, are deeply in love with each other but find it difficult to be together without company. They stay in the same city, talk on phone everyday but choose to stay separately. There is a very poignant scene in the movie, where Ronjhun asks Paro to find his raincoat from the wardrobe. She comes over when he is not home and we find how comfortable she finds herself there. She cleans up his room, tidies the wardrobe and makes tea for herself enjoying every bit of her existence there. But, when Ronjhun comes in and taps her shoulder, she is suddenly left speechless. Her awkwardness in finding him around in this flat, which moments ago looked like hers, is captured brilliantly. She leaves instantly, leaving us wondering what is it that prevents them from being in each other's presence.

The other pair in the movie, is Abhik, Ronjhun's cousin and Brinda who met on an internet chatting room and though elusive of each other's identities, feel a connect. They spend hours talking but don't want to meet each other to keep the mystery alive. Their conversations are an interesting watch, like the one where Brinda says :
"Outside my window is a red kite with a blue tail. It's caught in the antenna. It's struggling to escape. Feel sorry for it.
To which Abhik answers : "You'll miss it if it does."
It perfectly illustrates how love is not always pleasant. Togetherness is not friction-less. Someone's presence may make you irritable but you still miss them when they are not around.

For Paro, spaces are important for working out a relationship. Like when she tells Abhik : "Sometimes absence is required to feel a person's presence more intensely." At another point in the movie, she gifts a book to Ronjhun with these words penned : "The closer you get, the more you become elusive. The further you go the clearer you become." But she has also subconsciously defined the quantum of this space. When she decides to leave for Mumbai on a job assignment, we find her visibly confused and sad when Ronjhun tells her that she knows what is best for her. So, for her distances in the same city are right but moving to a different city altogether is probably going too far.

The character of Ronjhun is also delicately enacted. All through the movie we find him much at comfort and blissful in his solitude. But there are moments when he needs Paro around. Like, when he asks her to stay back after his birthday celebrations. But, it is only at the end of the movie, that you really come to feel his character. What we see as a strong person prophesying about the richness of solitude, is actually deep inside yearning for Paro's companionship. We see him broken down and pleadingly asking Paro if he could come visit her in Mumbai.

The movie did not end at a happy note for Abhik and Brinda. Brinda dies in a road accident before they could meet in person. Abhi's fate made me wonder of ever he would be able to experience the comfort he felt with Brinda. If you lose someone so special, isn't replacing that person impossible, an endless wait. Antaheen...
For Paro and Ronjhun, antaheen, meant the endless quest in understanding the limits of space that they wanted in the relationship. To what extent you need to express and to what extent fake to keep up the pretense. A little bit of mystery is essential, but if too many thoughts are left unsaid, then Paro and Ronjhun happen.

The movie has a very melodious soundtrack also, so I am ending this post with a few lines :
"Amar bhindeshi tara
eka rateri akashe
Tumi bajale ektara
amar chilekothar pashe"

Darlymple's Nine Lives

N was out of town last weekend leaving me amidst my not so social escapades. These included a solitary trip to India Gate and a finale to the book that I have been reading over the past week. I have never been very fond of non-fiction; I find them dry and uninteresting. So I had my reservations about this book from the start. I picked up this book at the World Book Fair, which had otherwise nothing much to offer. Most stalls at the fair displayed books in French, Arabic and Mandarin - none of which I understand. "Nine Lives"somehow was all over the only stalls featuring English books. The cover had a picture of a colorful kathakali dancer and the name sounded intriguing - so I picked it up on those considerations without much critical thought.

"Nine Lives"describes the lives of nine people who have defied the popular mainstream concept of God and chosen a completely different way of observing religion. The book tells stories of these nine people, at the same time expressing concern about the survival of these traditions amidst a homogenized world. India is the birthplace of many religious philosophies, probably because there was never a dominant religious thought in India. Hinduism, by most counts, cannot be described as a religion - it is just a way of life of the people who lived beyond the Indus. Every religion that came to India got assimilated in this way of living and these nine people are today living examples of this mix.

"The nun's tale" takes us through the life of Prasannamati Mataji, a Jain nun, who has decided to embrace death through sallekhana - a jain practice of slowly giving up food and water and dying voluntarily. The next story, "Dancer of Kannur"is about Hari Das a dalit theyyam dancer in Kerela, living a dual life - dressed up and worshipped as God for three months of festivities and building wells for the rest of the year. "Singer of epics"hails the rich oral tradition of Rajasthan where bhopas have kept the story of Pabuji - the cattle God alive. "Daughters of Yellamma" descibes the life of Rani, a devadasi, a female servant who dedicates her life to God. "The red fairy" is about Lal Peri, a girl from rural Bihar who ended up at Sehwan, Sindh and has given up her life in service of the Sufi saint Lal Shahbaz Qalandar."Maker of Idols"aquaints us with Srikanda whose family have been creators of God from the times of Cholas . "The monk's tale" is about a Tibetan monk who gave up his vows for the protection of his land. "The lady twilight" takes us to Tarapith where Manisha Ma lives in a crematorium offering blood and skulls to Goddess Tara. "Song of the blind Mistrel"is about Baul singers of Bengal who use songs as a medium to reach out to God.

I have never been a great follower of religion - in fact I would describe myself as an agnostic. Visit to temples does not calm me and I find it very surprising to see people facing such troubles just to get a glimpse of God. I liked that Darlymple made us aware of people who feel suffocated in the confines of the strict religious parameters that have been laid down by populism. My favorite of the lot was the story of "Lal Peri", for the reason that personally I feel deeply attracted to the ideas of Sufism. It was fascinating to see how Lal Peri, a Bihari rejected by India because she was a Muslim ended up in Bangladesh at the time of partition. In 1971, when Pakistan broke, Banglas also shunned her and she moved to Karachi. But the idea of Wahabi Islam in Pakistan left her disenchanted and ultimately she found that the only people who would accept her were the Sufis of Sehwan. The story was a clear testimony of the miseries that people go through because of forced imposition of homogeneity.

Time and again in the book, the author expresses his concern about the survival of these traditions. But each story makes his concerns look baseless. In each of the stories we find that the followers of populist religion, who otherwise may not accept being associated with such eccentrics, are shown to submit to their traditions. So, we have a small time politician in Bihar, making a visit to Tarapith with goats as an offering to Ma Tara. And there are devout Brahmins in Kerela, bowing before the dalit Theyyam Gods, even though they may otherwise deny any affiliation with such a version of religion. It's amazing to see how the color of religion in India, somehow dilutes to give space to these hues of beliefs. The book definitely makes you think over before you can brand India as intolerant.

Darlymple is an amazing writer, who leaves no gap in detailing the colorful lives of these nine characters. At the end of the book, you feel as if you have journeyed the length and breadth of India and connected with these nine people yourself. The book has really enriched me and I feel glad that picked it up. So, do read and let me know what you felt about it.